All for nothing. It's been almost four years since the last time i wrote something on this blog. I have been doing all my best for a living. A lot of compliments come around i even had a chance to travel around the world,the biggest dream of my life. But reality just slapped on my face. When i'm about to living my dream i got the biggest fear i've been dealing so far. Well, turn out that my eyes wasn't only dealing with glasses, it has something worse inside. I got a Macular Degeneration at the very unusual age. I don't know how and why, but the doctor told me that this was caused by any traumatic blow around the head, too much stress or overworked at my job. Yes, those three are some rational reason indeed. I've only slept for less than six hours at the last two years, i've dealt with a lot problem and yes, i got a blow on my body ( literally ) sometimes. It sounds rational,but is it fair?. I always believe that all my hardwork all my efforts would be paid for something good in the future, but i think that wasn't enough for God.
I am mad, i am dissapointed to everything to my job to myself and even to God. I don't know what have i done, i've never felt really happy in my life. I thought making a ton of money would make me happy, but it's all for nothing now. All for nothing. Should i learn something now? I can't think any positive things right now. My next days would be worse. I'm going blind, my roommate would be part ways after all this time, I can't tell what i've been dealing to my single old mom. All on my own now, at the very bottom of my life. I don't know if anyone would read this, I don't know if God would read my mind ( if yes please make me some miracles ) the point is i just want to tell that no matter how hard is your life there's always a person who have worse than yours. Look around, listen to the other's hearts.
" Last year might be just a past for the most of us. But for me it was such a great lesson in my journey. I've had to say goodbye, more times than i would like. But everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, it's still sting. And though we'll never forget what we've given up. We always trust our self to keep moving forward. What we can do is live our life. Don't be afraid of the next goodbyes. Because changes are, they're not going stop. The trick is recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing. When it's a chance to start over again."
“When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”
Recent song played : Raise Your Glass - Pink.
This is a famous proverb that also refers to the natural ebb and flow of life that when one thing ends, another begins. So I just got resigned from my workplace and leave the team that highly supportive me in there, I do not give a clear reason, but I think this article may explain it..I guess I’ve always considered life to be a buffet and it’s all there for you to sample. I know that if I died tomorrow, I’d leave with few regrets because I’ve tried (and sometimes failed at) just about anything and everything that interested me in my life.
“There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.”
When you look over your life, how many leaps of faith have attempted? How many new things have you tried? Are you satisfied with where you are or is something inside of you begging to step out into more?
Fear is probably the biggest bucket-list-killer. It makes you hesitate, question your motives, and stalls you into inactivity. It wants to convince you that if you try you’ll fail. And you know what? Maybe you will, but that never ever means you shouldn’t try. You have talents, interests and passions that you may be unaware of. All they need is a little push in the right direction.
I believe life is inherently challenging. Even if you never ventured from your home, trouble and heartache have a way of finding you anyway. That’s just the way it is. So instead of letting life throw you here and there, why not take the bull by the horns and make it your adventure. Dismiss the fear. Rewrite your bucket list and keep rewriting it, because your journey is full of surprises and the biggest one of all is all the potential that lies inside of you.
“You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So, get on your way!”
Every time someone walks out my life, they pass the next person walking in. It’s one of those universal laws, and this isn’t just for people. You can see it when someone loses a job and finds a better one. The old door closed and another one opened up to a new opportunity… most times better than the last.
When you look at life like that, it’s almost impossible to get upset over who’s leaving. They are making room for the next teacher (because, after all, everyone and everything in your life is here to teach you something).
Whatever you’ve lost today, take just a moment to grieve the loss, but then have faith and feel good. That door closed so another one could open to reveal something much better that’s waiting just for you.
Dedicated toall my friendsin thearea 10 of KZ, thanks for your supportIreally appreciate it.All italicized quotes from Dr. Seuss’s Oh, The Places You’ll Go.
Everyone
says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection
hurts and losing someone hurts. Everyone confuses these things with
love, but in reality love is the only thing that heals all these things
and makes us feel wonderful again.
Sometimes
people may confuse love with the relationships that they are in at the
time. Being with someone through substantial ups and downs makes people
feel obligated to stay with a person even after stints of being abused,
cheated on, and mistreated. Even though a person being abused
emotionally or physically or a person who may have suffered a loss is
probably the best candidate for a fresh dose of love they are usually
the ones who resist it the most.
Not only are we resistant to change naturally as people, but we are
inherently more resistant to change when it involves someone we love, or
someone that we think we love. It is hard because we continue with
relationships physically and mentally thinking that that someone or
situation will change, and that the person that we originally loved for a
good reason will return. In all actuality, for the most part we are
better off giving someone else our love who will yield a return of equal
or greater love, and make us feel as we should have been feeling all
along.
Beberapa minggu kemaren gue nonton film yang cukup menggugah hati gue, bukan karena temanya yang pas ama hidup gue sih, tapi emang ceritanya riil dan berbobot, bukan film yang sekedar menghibur melainkan type film yang menggugah. Film ini bercerita tentang realita kehidupan ibukota DKI Jakarta saat ini, dimana tidak dipungkiri bahwa memang meski pun kita masih negara berkembang namun gaya hidup dan pola pikir kita tidaklah jauh beda dengan masyarakat dunia modern pada umumnya. Sanubari Jakarta, film yang diproduseri oleh Lola Amaria dan disutradarai oleh nama-nama baru namun berbakat adalah sedikit dari film negeri kita yang bisa terekam di ingatan gue, sejauh ini emang baru AADc, Petualangan Sherina, Eifell i'm in love, Ayat-Ayat Cinta, Laskar Pelangi dan Mendadak Dangdut sih yang menyita perhatian gue. Dan film-film seperti itu seakan tenggelam dua tahun belakangan, Sanubari Jakarta merupakan tolak ukur baru untuk sineas dalam negeri. Semoga saja film ini bisa menggugah hati siapa saja yang peduli pada kaum minor, bukan film yang menuai kontroversi yang memicu demo anarkis di sana-sini.Film ini benar-benar gambaran nyata masyarakat kita saat ini yang seolah sembunyi dibalik topeng mereka demi menutupi keburukan yang notabene merupakan bagian dari takdir yang tidak bisa dipungkiri.Sekali lagi Sanubari Jakarta adalah film yang cocok untuk mereka yang ingin memahami orang-orang kecil seperti kami tanpa harus menilai sesuatu dari covernya, tanpa harus memandang dari sisi buruknya.
SANUBARI JAKARTA (2012)
10 stories are strung in a city called
Jakarta, with 10 point of view of each director, these stories of love
and then stringing in any character in it. Many love stories are strung,
though sometimes not visible in all the movie titles Jakarta. a variety
of movie titles are strung in the heart of Jakarta, they are 1/2, Malam
Ini Aku Cantik, Lumba-Lumba, Terhubung, Kentang, Menunggu Warna,
Pembalut, Topeng Srikandi, Untuk A dan Kotak Coklat.
These stories tell about the many people
and their love. The story of the choices of a man on sexual desire, The
story of a transvestite who stuck to the demands of the reality of
Jakarta, The mystery of the woman in a kindergarten named Lumba-Lumba,
the meets of two women who are connected, funny story about a pair of
men involved a lot of trouble up to do with each other, a pair of
women's debate in a motel room, struggles of a
woman named Srikandi, there is also a sweet story of two men who always
have hope, stories of a man about his past, to a love story of a man
and women who bring them to reality in the past.
So how do all these stories run in each story? The circumstances and those who love living in the "Sanubari Jakarta?
SANUBARI JAKARTA Genre: Drama Writer: Laila ‘Lele’ Nurazizah Producer: Fira Sofiana, Lola Amaria Director: Adriyanto Waskito Dewo, Alfrits John Roberts, Aline
Jusria, Billy Christian, Dinda Kanyadewi, Fira Sofiana, Kirana Larasati,
Lola Amaria, Sim F, Fira Sofiana, Tika Pramesti Production Co: Kresna Duta Foundation, Ardhanary Institute, Ford Foundation Cast: Release Date: April 19, 2012
I Know I’m Different
Please don’t judge me for the way I look I know I’m different Please don’t talk about me Like I’m not there I still hear you Don’t be cruel Laugh and poke fun I am me And God made me this way Please don’t stare That’s more than I can bear Look further Peel away my layers For I have so much I have love to give In abundance I have joy I want to share I have knowledge I can teach you It may all be hidden from view But believe me all I say is true My trials and tribulations Made me strong Come share my strength Don’t be afraid Take my hand And feel my warmth Come get to know me You’ll find out I’m not so very different For deep inside you’ll see Really I am you and you are me
Begitu banyak perpisahan yang udah terjadi dalam hidup gue.Some make me hurt, some else make me stronger.Meski harus gue akui kalo perpisahan itu masih bikin gue trauma, tapi sejenak gue berfikir kalo gue ga akan belajar apa arti menyesal kalo perpisahan itu ga ada.Gue ga akan belajar banyak tentang hidup kalo hal itu ga terjadi.Mungkin yang gue tahu hanya foya-foya tanpa mengerti apa tujuan hidup itu sendiri.
Sekali lagi gue bilang gue masih sedikit trauma dengan yang namanya perpisahan.Perpisahan pertama gue waktu bokap gue ninggalin gue ama keluarga gue demi bersama perempuan lain.Well, that was painfull but then i realized that it's better for my mom.Nyokap gue itu sosok miss independent yang tangguh dalalm segala hal.Soon after, gue kehilangan sahabat terbaik gue sejak balita, Erwan namanya.Sejak dia tinggal kelas di kelas 4 dan gue naik ke kelas 5 dia sama sekali ga nyapa gue sejak itu.Entah kenapa, gue juga ga tahu, tapi belakangan gue sadar tentu saja sangat ironis melihat gue jadi juara kelas waktu itu sedangkan Erwan sahabat baik gue bisa tinggal kelas. May be he blame it onme..
Masuk SMP gue dapet sahabat baru, Adi namanya.Selama kelas satu kami duduk sebangku.We're doing just fine until 7th grade.Yah, kenaikan kelas gue berpisah ama dia karena gue masuk kelas 2A sedangkan dia masuk kelas 2E.Sejak itu dia bersikap ga pernah kenal gue.Gue akuin sih geng kelas 2A ama 2E emang kaya kutub utara ama kutub selatan.Sampai di titik ini gue sadar mungkin gue egois.Lulus SMP gue kehilangan kontak ama seluruh teman seangkatan guea karena harus pindah ke Jakarta.Sampe detik ini baru satu orang yang bisa gue hubungin lagi.Dan itu pun kita udah ga seakrab dulu.We're all changed, both life or mind.Saat ini dia udah jadi calon dokter plus assisten dosen and i'm proud of him.He is my friend-or he was-.Karena gue ga yakin apa dia masih anggap gue teman atau gak.
Masuk usia17'an gue mulai menikmati hidup gue dan mulai kenal yang namanya cinta.Sadly, first love story gue bukanlah fairytale.Kisah pertama gue berakhir saat gue tahu kaloternyata guecuma pelampiasan perasaan dia aja;So hard to tell myself that everything just be fine that time.Sampai akhirnya gue ketemu jodoh kedua gue.Kali ini hubungan kami berjalan lumayan lama.Hampir dua tahun kami pacaran dari dia kelas 11 sampai lulus SMA.Tapi bukan berarti hubungan kami berjalan romantis.Dia atau pun gue, kami sama-sama pernah saling selingkuh.Dan semuanya berakhir saat dia merasa udah menemukan selingkihan yang cocok buat gantiin gue.I felt distracted, depressed that time, more than my first.
Tak berapalama gue move on.Dan dapat pasangan baru pengganti dia.Namun kali ini hubungan gue dibayangi ama parasit yang beralibi jadi sahabat pacar gue.Awalnya gue gak keberatan, tapi saat gue tahu kaloparasit ini udah ngebantu pacar gue buat selingkuh.I'm sick of this.Gue kasih dia kesempatan dan pilihan.Dan akhirnya dia milih buat tetap ama parasit itu.Tapi perpisahan kali ini sama sekali gue ga merasa menyesal atau sakit.
Gak lama setelahnya, gue kenal ama orang yang udah merubah hidup dan kepribadian gue.Di sini titik balikhidup gue.Ya, gue akui sebelum ini gue itu sosok yang egois, labil dan moody.Tapi dia yang bisa merubah gue, agak lucu padahal dia tiga tahun lebih muda dari gue.Tapi entah kenapa gue bisa belajar banyak dari dia.Mungkin karena kesempurnaan hidup dia yang bikin gue pengen seperti dia,Dia punya keluarga yang utuh dan sempurna.Dia juga satu-satunya orang yang memberi kesan manis dalam perpisahan di hidup gue sejauh ini.That person make a promise.And so far,until today gue ga bisa lupain dia.-CLOUD-
Ditengah kebimbangan gue atas perasaan gue.Tiba-tiba ada seseorang yang nyatain perasaannya ke gue.Setelah hampir setahun gue mencoba buat nunggu Cloud.Gue mencoba hubungan baru.Sialnya, gue baru sadar kalo gue -untukkesekian kalinya- jadi orang ke tiga.What the f#ck!!.Tapi akhirnya gue coba buat jalanin hubungan ini.Toh, gue juga gak rugi banget.Tapi sampai titik dimana kebohongan dia gak bisa gue tolerir.Gue putusin dia.Lucu banget, karena hubungan kami ga nyampe sebulan.Akhirnya daripada gue mencari pelampiasanlagi gue putusin buat single dulu aja.It's better to be alone. no one could hurt you thatway,Tapi kadang gue berfikir, my love life is't aluck for me.Bahkan gue rasa my whole life isn't a luck for me.My live been so pathetic.Dan beberapa saat gue pejamkan mata -deep breathing- and i tell myself.. You need refreshing ri!!
Several months ago, gue kehilangan kakek gue.Orang yang selama ini pemikirannnya selalu gue tentang.Parahnya, di detik terakhir beliaugue ga ada di sampingnya.Gue baru hadir lima hari setelah pemakaman beliau.Dan gue ga sempat bilang kalo semua perkataannya ke gue banyak benarnya.Hidup memang banyak membuat kecewa, tapi jangan sampai kecewa membawa dendam.Hidup dalam dendam hanya akan membuat hidupmu makin suram.Pelajarilah hidup, jangan sampai kamu membuat dirimu seperti orang yang kamu dendam.Karena halitutidak akan membuatmu menjadi orang yang lebih baik.So, i tried to forget and forgive all my past,It wasn't 100% their fault by the way.This is my life and i should be responsible for my own life.
Akhirnya gue mengerti, this farewell -meski masih membuat gue sedikit trauma- udah membuat gue mempelajari hidup.Tanpa hal itu gue ga akan menjadi seseorang yang sering gue lihat di cermin saat ini.I'm so proud to be me today!!.Thanks pasts and farewell because of you i've become stronger than yesterday.
"Reality is crashing in and it hits me like broken glass.Its like my entire life, just got really-really fast.So, i stand and be stronger inmy every pieces."
"Never feel sad on losing anything in your life, cause whenever a tree loses it leaf, a new leaf is ready to take its place"
Recent song played :When i look at you - Miley Cyrus.
Josh Gardner bilang " Life is the art of drawing without eraser".Yup,gw setuju banget.Hidup itu layaknya karya seni yang mengalir, kadang punya moment yang happy ending, namun ga sedikit yang berakhir pada penyesalan.Tapi, apapun itu semua udah terjadi dan kita ga memiliki daya apapun untuk menghapus masa lalu itu.Yang bisa kita lakukan hanyalah menutupnya and do something better.
Life is a journey sometimes we will smile,sometimes we will cry somehow.Jadi satu hal yang wajar kalau kita kecewa ataupun menyesal atas beberapa hal buruk yang terjadi di hidup kita.Hanya saja jangan dibiarkan berlarut-larut.Jujur, gw nulis ini sebenernya buat memotivasi diri gw sendiri saat gw lagi jatuh kaya gini.Yah, 21 tahun hidup gw sudah banyak hal terjadi selama ini.Kadang gw masih terombang ambing dalam alur cerita hidup gw yang ga jelas ini.Ada banyak keputusan bodoh terjadi di hidup gw dan gw menyesalinya.Ada banyak mimpi yang gw pengen dan gw ga bisa mencapainya.Tapi gw selalu ngngetin diri gw sendiri untuk tetap positif.Yah, setidaknya apapun yang udah gw lakukan udah membentuk diri gw yang lebih baik dari hari kemaren.
Sejenak gw berfikir, mungkin ini sisi gelap gw, karena gw sadar betul gw type orang yang optimis dan ambisius.Jarang gw merasa down and weak kaya gini.Tapi gw rasa ini hal yang wajar,ga selamanya kan kita harus tampak kuat dan menutupi apa yang sebenernya kita rasakan??.Buat gw itu malah bikin hidup gw makin nyesek.Yang gw butuhin saat ini adalah sebuah inspirasi.Dan buat gw inspirasi itu datang dari apapun.Entah itu dari public figur, lagu ataupun film.Bahkan tidak jarang inspirasi itu datang dari pengalaman gw dan orang-orang sekitar gw.Dan ngomongin soal itu, ada salah satu serial tv yang buat gw menginspirasi banget, setiap episodenya memiliki kisah dan kalimat yang memotivasi hidup gw.Dan serial itu bertitle "One Tree Hill" Gw mulai nonton acara ini sejak tahun 2010 an, jarang sih, tapi tiap gw liat acara ini gw selalu memiliki pertanyaan ke diri gw sendiri tentang hidup gw.Banyak Quota hidup yang gw pelajari dari acara ini.Dan ini adalah kutipan salah satu kalimat favorit gw.
"Life's funny sometimes, can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget
to love you back, like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave
you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you
can't take it back.In sports I call this “stepping up”.
In life, I call it “pushing back” You know it's been said that we just
don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're
happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take
them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be
taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you
realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this
game. You ever heard the expression “the best things in live are free”?
Well, that expression is true. Every once in a while, people step up
they rise above themselves…sometimes they surprise you and sometimes
they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if
you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in
the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're
lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person
you love decides to love you back…"
well, Life kicks you around sometimes it scares you and it beats you up.But there's one day when you realized that you're not just a survivor, you're a fighter.You're tougher than anything life throws you away.Jadi jangan pernah sesalin hidup lo, karena apapun yang lo lakuin itu adalah hasil usaha lo juga.Apapun hasilnya.Hidup emang ga selamanya indah.Jadi jangan takut menjadi pecundang.Jangan takut patah hati.Jangan takut pula untuk gagal.Karena kita selalu memiliki kesempatan kedua untuk merubah itu semua.Nikmatin hidup lo, seperti apapun itu.
"Everyday i ignore how completely broken the world is, and i tell my self 'its all gonna be okay!"
